Ain't No Mountain High Enough.

The thought of someone as verbose as me at a loss for things to say, this lends more credence to the fact that things have been happening at a rate that's incredibly... unnatural. I really don't know what to make of it. Yes, I told myself that I'd finally stop asking why things are happening the way they are. I did. But then again, I just have to ask, barring any obvious answer I can think of right now: Why is my attempt at progressing through certain things holding me back being sabotaged?

For one, I'm going to try and look at this at a secular perspective and not place divine interference in the mix (FOR NOW).

There. Let's say this guy just went through a painful break with a girl he loved dearly. And still loves dearly to this day. Through the pain, he made a decision to be better. He tried to get to know other women. He expanded his horizons. Life still spiraled out of control for him, but when doesn't it, he asks.

Now, let's say this guy gets to know a girl with whom he just might've found the girl he's looking/waiting for. She's utterly amazing, special in her own way that trumps everything else that he sees. And then, just when things are getting better, the plug is pulled. The rug is pulled from underneath him. She says they can't see each other, for reasons that the guy is willing to understand. He's willing to accept the situation, but just at the lowest point of his life, the girl appears. And gives him hope to keep on going. For a few days, she's there. He thinks things are getting better. But then she leaves again.

Enter the previous girl. Nope, she didn't message him or text him or send him any kind of communication. It's him who always makes the first move, the one who sends the first message. He tried to ask her out for dinner, but she had another trip that she was committed to. He gladly accepts that. But during the day, he was able to talk to a common friend of his and the girl's, and said friend advised him to send his ex a letter detailing how much he still loved her. How much he was sorry for all the pain he caused. How much he missed her with all his heart.

He wrote the letter, sent it to her, she saw the letter. Still no reply though.

But that's the thing - he's been actively trying to move on from that part of his life for ages. Instead, he's being dragged back to the thought of her. He's growing close to some of her friends. He's always seeing things that remind him of her. Bullshit like that.

And now, he's confused.

What's he to do.

Pompeii, or: Things We Lost in the Fire.

Okay, there are no world-ending volcanoes erupting during the time this blog post was made. No, the author has not turned into a stone-like, ash-encrusted shape seen cowering in fear.

Nope. Sorry to burst your bubbles; it's just my current obsession, Bastille's Pompeii, and Things We Lost in the Fire. Give them both a listen. Thank me later.

Okay, on to today's rambling.

Wow. What a week. It would be foolish to say that these developments were unexpected, but I didn't expect everything to blow up like this real quick.

To be honest, I saw this coming. Heck, I even bartered with God to just let something like this happen instead of me having to be upfront about the true version of certain events. Again, I just did not expect events to blow up so hard, so quickly.

Maybe this kind of "blow up" is what God knows I need. All of the preexisting structures built up by my own stubbornness, my foolishness in believing that I alone can carve out an existence without God's help. And now, I have close to nothing. But Him.

And that's a good thing. I'm constantly reminded that all the things I've lost in "the fire" are all consumed by a God who's only desire is to see me live a holy and blameless life.

One of the terms we used in the last call center I worked for, being that we worked with technology, is "hard reset". This means purging information in the system of the device that has been causing it to bog down, or not function well.

And well, God has been performing a hard reset on me. Plain and simple. And I welcome it. A lot of things that I've lived with before, a lot of things that I've been accustomed or have grown to be okay with are now being purged methodically. I'm just fortunate that He has decided to leave a few things in me that still make me who I am.

Like being with the woman that I love. I don't deserve last night's surprise, and yet, He provided it.

All I'm praying for right now (and I know He knows this desire of my heart) is to not be the same person I was before, with regard to a whole lot of things - finances, relationships, work, and most importantly, my faith.