First off, an announcement (probably something I'll follow through for a while then just forget completely real soon): I will now resolve to blog at least once a week for the foreseeable future, since the foreseeable future is foreseeably going to be an animal of its own.
Okay. Time to blog.
I really don't know how to begin this, but I'll just get it out of the way: my girlfriend's mom just passed away, and simply put, it's devastating. Pretty painful to see the woman I love grieve again, just a little under 2 years since her father passed on. While it does hurt to know that her mom is no longer with us, the situation has brought me to a crossroads on how I'll let my emotions and thought-process move on together from this event. Even though I wasn't her son-in-law yet when she had passed on, I still shed tears for her. If it wasn't for her, Angela wouldn't be the honorable, loving, and caring person she is today. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been able to find the place of residence I'm in right now. I really wanna go on with all of the things I'm very thankful to her about, but I'll have to apologize because it's really hard to remember all of it now. However, I will be forever grateful for the knowledge that I was and am the only guy ever that she has ever entrusted her daughter to. No, this doesn't mean that wedding bells will toll real soon (not for the next 4 years or so, or until I can finally pin down the dreaded money wisdom badge I've been striving for for so long). This is just simply being the guy that she trusts will never hurt her daughter, will protect her with the same fierceness that she had in the past, and will be her daughter's bodyguard during Angela's gigs.
Yes, we have had a very testy relationship at times, but I will only choose to remember the times that I have made her smile. It's also a shame that I won't be able to apologize for all of the times that I've hurt her, and that will be a burden I will carry forever. But have promised her one thing at her death bed - that I will always love and cherish and be by her daughter's side, no matter what. And that's a promise I intend to keep forever.
You're probably still looking for the "these next few weeks are going to be an animal in itself" part of the blog. Well, here goes.
I really miss my girl. I do. I miss her. I miss her touch, her kisses, the way she holds me in her arms when we make love. I miss the pet names that she uses to call me. I miss her so much. Now, I do understand why she won't be able to do any of that anytime soon, but that won't stop me from pining for all of it. I guess this is where my resolve and sanity as an honorable man will be tested; It's gonna be real hard, but I have faith that we will both get out of this stronger.
Just now, a thought popped into my head: right now, Angela and I are both going to go through challenges of our own. She's obviously going to have to learn to live without her mother, a cherished loved one. And that's a challenge that I will never ever wish, even to my most hated enemy. The night before the inevitable happened, I asked Angela if she still needed me, in spite of what will happen. She had simply told me that she just needed me to be there when she called on me. And that's something I intend to do. I know with all of my heart that she won't use this situation to cut ties with me, which is something that the old me would start thinking about already, which will just lead to paranoia, which in turn will just bring catastrophe.
I guess I'll just to wait this out, and use this time to work on myself as well. I have another golden opportunity to start working on my financial prudence this Friday, with a huge payday coming up. I'll have to make sure I use this time to pay off loans and debts that will have to be paid off, as well as the house. Now, I have thought of buying a few items to make the house a bit more homier, but I guess I'll have to plan that better though.
All things considered, I just wanna make sure we both come out of the flipside better people than when we both were given the respective challenges that we face right now.
Pretty interesting couple of months coming up. I know things aren't going to be the same. A seismic shakeup has occurred, and I guess it will have to be up to me to stand up to it and be better out of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment